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beatlesblaine:

the price of a popcorn and soda at target: $1.99

the price of a popcorn and soda at the movies: an entire month’s rent and your first born child

thegayduck:

lucifer-who:

ghdos:

I wish I had known about this when we had all that fucking snow this winter.

#do you wanna stab a snowman #it doesn’t have to be a snowman

#it doesn’t have to be a snowman

The water in the balloon is probably gonna freeze, so you’ll need to add something with a lower freezing point, like alcohol.
Common isopropyl alcohol will do. There’s no need to waste your parents’ $50 bottle of Grey Goose. :P  SCIENCE!

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

This made my day. :)
“NO! Don’t eat the shower biscuit!” lol :P

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

This made my day. :)

NO! Don’t eat the shower biscuit!” lol :P

minxiekitten:

raubbenhood:

Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.

WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYEEEESSSSSSS!!

georgetakei:

From a fan. Don’t like /share unless you’re a science AND music nerd and get this right away. http://ift.tt/1jW6yaT

…such a queen. ;)

georgetakei:

From a fan. Don’t like /share unless you’re a science AND music nerd and get this right away. http://ift.tt/1jW6yaT

…such a queen. ;)

Affirmative Action is Not the Answer

walterblakeknoblock:

Affirmative Action is Not the Answer

On Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014, the Supreme Court upheld the right for Michigan to abstain from taking racial preference into consideration when admitting students to public universities. Every year, around the time when students find out whether they did or didn’t get into the colleges they applied to, this comes up. Primarily, it is black students who believe that they deserve lower standards to get into schools because their race puts them at a disadvantage and that it is the school’s duty as a public institution to promote diversity on campus. Opponents of affirmative action believe that admission should be a blind process and any privileges that would potentially account for a more likely admission should be ignored by the institution. I have lived in Michigan for most of my life and I think that it is important to also note that the only time affirmative action debates arise is when students don’t get into the University of Michigan, the most prestigious university in the state and home to some of the best programs in the country. There is something wrong with the conversation we are having.

(read more)

Reblogging this because I think Mr Knoblock’s argument is worth reading.

My views on this issue are a little different. I missed out on college because we couldn’t afford it and I sure as hell wasn’t going to apply for loans that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pay back. But that was MY issue. It had nothing to do with whether or not a black student was admitted in my place.

Before we dismantle Affirmative Action, we need to address the disparities in our grade school educational system, which Knoblock briefly touches on.  Why, for instance, are schools in predominantly black neighborhoods so underfunded? - I live in Philadelphia. Our schools are a mess! We can’t afford to pay our teachers but we’ve got plenty of money for administrators. :\

If our elected officials were really patriotic, they’d spend more time and energy on education. But that’s a-whole-nother issue. :\

No matter what side of this issue you stand, you really should click the link and read Walter Blake Knoblock’s opinion piece.